The Mathews Family

I am back..at least for today!

2011-09-26T15:11:00.000-07:00

I have not been on here in forever.. Summer kept me busy. It was the best summer I have had in a long time. My girls got to have so much fun... we took the boat out several times and it was just filled with a lot of fun. Now I sit here watching it rain while I have lentil soup on the stove and my apple candle burning :) I love it though. School work is in session and my favorite season is finally here.
I am thankful... we are now in Olympia. Just one short hour from family and just 7 short minutes to Joel's work. So nice! I am excited for what Olympia has for us here and I am trusting and believing that it will be a great place for us to spend some time.

Wisdom...

2011-08-03T22:00:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking a lot about wisdom today. I always read a Proverbs a day which has much to say about wisdom. I think we do not value it enough. It is better than riches, its paths lead to peace. We focus so much on success and money and things. What if we regarded wisdom higher than all of this. I pray that I have wisdom. That I will walk in wisdom and gain wisdom as I search His ways and walk in His path. That I will regard it higher than other things. That God will give me wisdom to make good choices as I am a wife and parent.

Vacation!

2011-07-27T09:36:00.001-07:00

Vacation is coming to an end. I feel refreshed, renewed and filled up again. My tank is full. My cup runs over. I have many blessings in life and vacation always reminds me of those blessings. Here are just a few things about vacation that I love-

1. Mornings. I usually hate mornings but on vacation- the earlier the better.
2. NO make-up.
3. NO blow drying my hair. Just up in a ponytail every single day. Saves me probably 52 million minutes of my life :)
4. Time does not matter.
5. Worries go to the back of my mind.
6. Good conversation.
7. Lots of random laughs and singing.
8. Games... playing games and learning new ones.
9. SUNSHINE.. coming home with a tan :)
10. No schedule.. you can do whatever whenever.
11. Lots of reading gets done!

Now I must go. It is the last day here and I must make every moment count!

Time to travel or at least dream about it....

2011-07-21T15:13:00.002-07:00

Just a few places I want to go and take my kids....

1. Africa- (what a once in a lifetime trip)
2. Florida- to see the awesome beaches... they are much different than the beaches here.
3. Hawaii- I think they would be in awe at the hula dancers ;)
4. Disneyland- already been but would like to make this trip more often ;)
5. Washington DC- can't believe I lived so close and never took them ;(
6. Disneyland- only on the off season and if I had at least ten days ;)
7. New York (maybe I would like to take this trip kid free actually)
8. Newport Beach, CA- took our honeymoon there.. I love it there.

There are many others places I would love to take them... to see the amazing beauty of the world. Guess I better start saving my pennies.

Hillsong - This Is Our God - With Subtitles/Lyrics - HD Version

2011-07-21T15:13:00.000-07:00

Love this song.. especially the end. Freely you gave it all for us. Great is the love... this is MY God.

2011-07-21T09:49:00.000-07:00

I have been tested lately. Tested to do the right thing even though it SUCKS. Tested to be patient.. waiting... waiting.... ugh. I am hoping and hoping.... and believing and believing.. my heart is heavy and hurt BUT God is faithful and He is constant. I am thankful for hope. I am thankful for what I am learning along the way. Even though it is not fun.. but I have come to realize, life is full of these kinds of things. Things that are hard........ things that will hopefully make me a better person and stronger in the end. At least that is what I am praying for....

enough of that- 2 days until we leave for one of my favorite places ever!! The girls are packed and driving me literally nuts!

vacation is coming.. thank the good Lord! :)

2011-07-17T10:11:00.000-07:00

This last week, I took my girls to VBS at the baptist church where I grew up and where I gave my life to Christ and was baptized. I felt myself almost having to hold back tears as I took them there on their first day. Partly because I was nervous for them walking into a place to spend more than 3 hrs a day not knowing anyone, and also because I am so incredibly thankful for that place and the memories I have there are good. The building seems so much smaller than it seemed to me as a kid. I guess that is always how things seem to end up. I saw a few faces I knew from way back then and my kids had a blast. They loved it. I am so proud of them. They are homeschooled, you know, and not often have to go into a situation like that while not knowing anybody. It proved to me that no matter what some have said to me about their social skills, I, as their mom, know they are okay. I am proud of that and have worked harder than most know, to make sure they are okay in that area. They last day ended with a program at night and a carnival. My kids got on stage, singing several songs and dancing around. The message of the week was to spread the news and they have already done that to the neighbor girl. My kids make me smile.
Now we have a week until the girls and I leave for vacation with my folks. I am so ready to just get away and lay by a pool and to see my kids happier than ever making memories. I have many great memories of vacations my parents would take me on.. Sunriver and Disneyland. No wonder those two places totally make me smile even today :) This will be the first time in Sunriver that we will be without the Manns and it is going to stink without them.. but I know somehow we will all manage to have a a good time. So now for the next few days, I get to try and entertain my kids enough to keep them from going crazy since they are so pumped!
6 days and counting..........

2011-07-08T15:41:00.000-07:00

There are just some days when the only thing on my mind is ... come quickly Jesus. Come quickly. Today is one of those days. I think that is how everyday should be though. Life is hard even though it is good and amazing... I am thankful this is not my home.

2011-07-07T10:57:00.000-07:00

Here is my me and my friend Shannon after we did our 4th of July 5K. This was her very first race! :)

Summertime......

2011-07-07T10:25:00.000-07:00

I ran my third 5K on July 4th. I ran it in just a few seconds over 37 minutes... yes, I am a slow runner but I made it running the entire time and I beat my last time! I looked back on the websites of my last few races and finally got my times written down. I ran my first one in 41:59 and my second in 39:26. Those times are not great but the fact that I am getting better each time makes me happy and is my goal. Running a race to win will never by my thing. My goal is always to finish without having to walk. Slow and steady wins it for me baby!

So, there is much going on in my head these days. I am going to focus this blog now on my two girls. I have received a few compliments this week on how well behaved my kids are and how normal they are and social they are and how they break those "homeschooling" stereotypes. Those kinds of things make me happy to hear as I have been feeling like a failure as a mom lately. I am proud of my kids and for the gains that they have made. Nevaeh is totally coming out of her shell and literally has the biggest heart of anyone I know. She always considers others above herself. I hope she stays like that because selfish people bug the crap out of me.
Speaking of selfishness, Jesslyn is coming out of her selfish stage. She still has her moments but she is getting way better at considering others and at not being so difficult. She makes me laugh. She dances really funny and now that her two top teeth are gone she is the cutest thing ever and even has a little lisp. She also is loving riding her scooter with the neighbor girl. Jesslyn is social- she loves her little neighbor girl friend coming over to play.

So to my two beautiful girls: let's keep learning, growing, pushing through our fears, becoming better people who love Jesus and love others above ourselves. Let's have fun this summer.. making memories of the days when you did not have to do math problems or worry about spelling words. I think we have had fun so far. Lots of swimming and laughing with friends and definitely too much candy eating has been taking place :) I look forward to the summer days ahead and I hope to make it fun and memorable for you before those school books start showing up in the mail and before I have to go buy pencils and notebooks. Let's eat as many popsicles as we want, take a trip to the beach, sleep in as late as we want and stay up late playing outside. I love you girls. I love summer. I love being a mom.

2011-06-29T10:28:00.001-07:00

I have too much going on in my head these days. I am in the mode of feeling like I can't do anything right and that I am a failure on so many levels. I am trying to listen to God's word and to remember what He says about me and what His promises are but sometimes outside voices and opinions get the best of me. UGH.

2011-06-28T19:46:00.000-07:00

I just signed up for another 5K. It is for this coming up Monday, which is July 4th. This will be exactly a year from when I did my first 5K. I am completely certain that I will be beating my time of my first race. I am still not the fastest runner on the block but I have come a long ways.. thank goodness. My whole motto is- just stay steady and slow and do whatever you have to do to not walk! Which brings me to another point... I ran this race with a friend of mine named Katie. She is a girl whom I met while working a few hours at a daycare. We started talking and then became friends and she soon started come to church where I had been attending. We would often meet for dinner- always at the mall for some Chinese and we even went together to get our noses pierced. She even watched my girls for me one night so that Joel and I could attend a Trader Joe's party. That was a huge favor to ask and I am so thankful she was able to do that for me. She has a huge heart. She is madly in love with her husband and her Jesus. I am writing this tonight super sad for her and her husband. After being so excited to finally become pregnant, they delivered their sweet baby girl yesterday but because of news already given by the docs months ago, they knew sweet baby girl would only live a short time. She passed away after just 45 minutes. I can't imagine the pain they must feel. I don't get why these kinds of things have to happen. It is so painfully heartbreaking. So even though Katie and Josh may likely never read this, I want them to know how amazing I think they are and that I admire their strength, their courage, their commitment and love to each other, and I without a doubt know that they will make it through this sad time stronger and more dependent upon Jesus and the strength only He can give. Katie, you are a sweet friend. You are going to encourage many people through the years because of walking through this. You will be used in great ways to show God's love and grace. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. xoxoxo

Thankful...... my word for the year

2011-06-17T22:18:00.000-07:00

Nevaeh finally finished her math today! So thankful for a break coming our way. Jesslyn has just a few lessons left in her reading and then after that it is time to just have some fun!

So I have been thinking a lot this week. I am thankful for so much. I know I have said this many many times before, but I am so thankful to be by my family. The last few days I have spent time with some dear friends of mine who I count as family. They have always been there for me and truly love me and my family. They give me good advice and are always around for some good laughs and memories. I am thankful for them and thankful that my girls can be around them too. It means the world to me.

Tomorrow is our 12th anniversary. 12 years... beating the odds and making it through many good times and also some bad. I look back on the 12 years and they have been far from perfect, but they have been good. I am a better person today and have learned so much about Jesus through my marriage. I pray that I will take each and every day in this 12th year and make it an opportunity to be the best I can be as a wife and mother. To love better than I ever have and to grow into the person that Christ has called me to become. Our friends wrote a song for us and sang it at our wedding and the words could not be more perfect- through the good and the bad, we'll always make it through cause I know God sent me to you.
I am thankful.. oh so thankful. Thankful for God's hand and God's grace upon my marriage. Thankful we have not been another statistic. Thankful that my kids can go to bed with a daddy around. Thankful... thankful.... thankful. I think that is my word of the year. I am truly THANKFUL.

On a side note- Nevaeh and Jesslyn can each successfully make it all the way across on the monkey bars at the park. This is a big deal and they are pretty proud of it!

2011-06-15T11:27:00.000-07:00

The day started out great.. a three mile run at a new place I have not ran yet. (it is so nice to change it up!) and then a Dutch Bros coffee .... mmmmm... and then a great chat with Joel. He is off today and we had a great talk.. just talking about things and life which is what every couple should do and do often. Even though we may not always see eye to eye, it is so good to hear each other out and to talk to each other about important things. Today I am beyond thankful for this.

So, now I am in the midst of school work with the kids.. just a few days left!! yay! My dad is getting off this afternoon and keeping the girls for the rest of the day so that Joel and I can head to Portland. We are meeting up with a friend.. looking forward to it. Can I just say again, I am SO thankful to live by family and to live by family who cares about spending time with my girls. Makes my heart so happy! Everyone wins!

Cha Ching!

2011-06-13T15:38:00.000-07:00

Some things literally make me so CRAZY irritated!

On another note, I went in to get my oil changed today. Sign outside Jiffy Lube said Oil Change $19.99... and I walked out the door spending almost $200. WHAT?! I do have to say though, that place is great. Those men treat ladies so nice. I had every door opened for me and had about three of them helping me out and explaining things to me... that right there might just be worth the money :) It also is nice to drive out knowing that my car is good to go! I love my car and hope to drive it forever!

"the talk" or at least one of them....

2011-06-10T14:30:00.001-07:00

I am not sure what inspired this.. maybe the zits on my face reminding me of puberty or what but I randomly and spontaneously gave Nevaeh the speech today about what happens to her body as she gets older. Jesslyn was in the room too and we talked about all kinds of things. They giggled and got grossed out a few times but I told them over and over again what an amazing thing that God has done by making their bodies perfect and to work properly for all the important reasons- the main one being that someday they will get to be mommies too. They handled it so well and Nevaeh does not even seem freaked out at all. I assured her that I want her to be able to come to me with questions and concerns and I hope that line of communication will always be open so that she feels that she can come to me. I am not sure what Jesslyn thought of the conversation but at one point she said that she did not want to be a mommy because she heard it hurts. ;) So, I am honestly glad that we had that talk.. now we have the other important "talk" to give. I know it needs to happen soon. All of those whom I trust have been saying to tell your kids about sex around the age of ten... Nevaeh will be ten in two weeks. I guess the talk needs to happen soon. I do know one thing, we are going to be a family that talks about things.. this is for sure. I can't stand to see families ignoring the obvious or sweeping things under the rug or just plain keeping the talk on such a shallow level. I am determined that our house will be filled with constant conversation- talking about things that matter and not just who won the NBA championship. There are much more important things in life to talk about :)

2011-06-10T10:18:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning to two huge zits on my face.. what am I ... 13 again! ouch.

So, we have 5 more lessons of math to get thru and we are done for summer. Jesslyn has a few lessons left in her reading program but then we are good to go. It is so cute to see her read. She is doing well and loves it. Thank goodness since Nevaeh hated it more than anything in life! Not sure how we will spend our days once school is over. Probably many many many trips to the park and hopefully a few bigger trips in between. I am hoping to take them to the beach for a few days at least. They are pretty easy and happy with the little things though so that is good :)

On another note, I have found a coffee place I adore more than Starbucks. Not that Starbucks was ever really much to shout about for me but I have been hitting Dutch Bros instead. I do not get myself a coffee very often, in fact my coffee drinking has been cut way down lately due to me feeling the need to seriously cut down my caffeine intake. I order the Kicker drink which has Irish Creme in it. SO yummy and the prices beat Starbucks. :)

Time to go now... we must power out some of these math lessons. We are doing fractions.. renaming, reducing, and what ever else you do with fractions. I am thankful that it all comes really naturally to Nevaeh. She often gets the answer before I am even done explaining it. Yay for me!

2011-06-09T10:51:00.001-07:00

I want so badly to take a trip. A fun trip.. I wish we had a trip to Sunriver planned.. Actually, speaking of wishes I have many wishes. Many. I would also love to take the kids back to Disneyland and am hoping to do that in the next few years again. I feel as though we do not take enough fun trips and I wish we did. Our trips always were coming out to visit WA so now that we are out here I am hoping we can plan some fun trips. Hawaii? :)

2011-06-08T14:39:00.000-07:00

We have just a few lessons left and our school year will take a break! I am looking forward to it and so are the kids of course. Nevaeh wanted to do 5 math lessons each day so she can just be done! I don't think we will be doing that but I am thinking that a couple a day might be possible. I am not sure what the summer will hold other than making sure we keep reading. I am hoping for many days out in the boat... it is one of my favorite things.

So my training to run a half marathon is going well. It is so weird that 3 miles now is my "short distance" run. Who would have ever thought? Not me!

2011-06-01T19:51:00.000-07:00

Interesting week indeed. I have many things I am praying about and have many promises I believe I am going to see come to pass. Hopefully sooner than later. My heart is hopeful and full of joy that can only come from one place. Thank you Jesus for your hope, your unfailing love, and for loving me even though you knew me.

Hillsong - Stronger - With Subtitles/Lyrics

2011-05-31T10:04:00.000-07:00

This song is in my heart this morning. I am thankful for love that never fails. God is good to me.

2011-05-23T10:59:00.000-07:00

Since Osama Bin Laden has died, many have posted things about how we should not be rejoicing in this. I understand the point here a little bit. Yes it is sad he chose the evil path he did.. but as I was reading the story of David and Goliath to my kids.. I realized why I have no hesitation in being happy that this man has been put to death. Here is the little bit from their Bible-

"When the Philistines saw Goliath was dead, they ran away. And when God's people saw them running away, they CHEERED. God had saved His people. David was a hero!"

They cheered. They did not mourn and worry about his man and his soul. They cheered. They had been delivered and rescued from this bad man who mocked them and God. He would shout and call them names and he wanted to harm them. Much like Bin Laden. He hated God's people. He wanted to kill and destroy them. Not one moment will I feel sorry for this man.

Danny Gokey - I Will Not Say Goodbye

2011-05-23T10:27:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine told me about this song. As I have been thinking about dear people who have lost loved ones.. this song is so great. The lyrics are good and real. So many people have to walk down this road and it is so painful. I think sometimes that songs can convey thoughts and feelings like nothing else.

DONE!

2011-05-23T10:20:00.000-07:00

I forgot to post the most important news of all. Our house sold. DONE. No longer ours! No longer home owners. No more waiting and waiting for it all to come together! No more ties to KY. No more stress and emails and phone calls and showings! I am so glad. So thankful. So relieved. So amazed and now it is time to CELEBRATE! Oh and now it is time to figure out where to live... but I have to admit I am not in a huge hurry :)

happy.....

2011-05-23T09:11:00.000-07:00

What a fantastic weekend. I started my Saturday morning with a 4 mile run. (I have signed up with my dear childhood friend to run a half marathon in Oct). Yes, I am crazy! So, I am now stuck to this running schedule. I ran it so well though and it felt so good. I am exciting for this training because it will be such an accomplishment for me. I am also hoping it makes my butt smaller in the process!
Then I met some of my favorite people for lunch. So nice to catch up and chat and it was at the Cow Deli. One of my favorite places to eat here in Longview. I sat there with my two friends, still amazed that I am living by family and friends again. I feel too blessed. I will forever be thankful for this move and that the door opened for us to come this way again. That evening, we went to dinner at a friends house and the kids played well and the adult conversation was fun and full of laughter. These kinds of things make my heart full and happy. The weekend ended with a Sunday nap and then church at Elevate last night. I am thankful for this church and thankful for the worship and the preaching. I always leave challenged. I also leave with a full happy heart as I see my kids playing with friends and my husband laughing and catching up with old friends. God knew my hearts desires for the last year and I believe He has answered those. I will forever thank Him and be grateful.
So now I sit here on Monday morning. The school books are ready and waiting, the laundry and dishwasher are going, the kids are finishing breakfast and I am able to get a few things done before the day can really begin. I love to take a slow morning on Monday- to get my things done and out of the way. My kids love it too because this means they can watch a few cartoons before the tv goes off for the day.
So, I write this on this cloudy morning, completely in awe and thankful for where I am. By family and friends. I miss many back in KY and hope to see them at some point on this earth again, but I know without a doubt that this is where we are to be at this moment. My heart is happy and my cup runs over.

Jesus Culture - One Thing Remains

2011-05-09T09:58:00.000-07:00

We sang this last night at church. It is in my head this morning. Love the lyrics. All love on this earth fails us but His love does not.

2011-05-02T13:52:00.001-07:00

This verse seems so fitting for today and for all the people I know who are carrying loads too hard and far too unfair to have to try and carry alone.

In His time.....

2011-05-02T13:39:00.000-07:00

I just got the official phone call. The buyer has all her papers in and her money and now everything should be smooth sailing! I should found out shortly the "official" closing date which my realtor's assistant said she is pushing to have happen asap.. like as in tomorrow! I am so thankful. This was not my plan or my first choice at all.. closing in February would have been amazing and would have been better financially, but I am still so thankful and am sure that this was just God's perfect plan and timing. Joel flies out early tomorrow so it was perfect that he did not have to move a few times or feel as though he was intruding on some people. It is so good to know that he can leave KY and not have to look back because of the house. It is so nice to feel like that part of worry will be over with. So thankful. His timing may not be ours but I must trust and believe that it is perfect!

I told the girls we would do something special once the house is no longer ours... something small but fun. They suggested everyone gets to eat a Dilly bar from Dairy Queen. I suggested we get an entire ice cream cake from DQ and really celebrate! :) wow do we know how to party.

Phil Wickham - "Messiah" (Live)

2011-04-28T11:12:00.000-07:00

2011-04-28T11:01:00.000-07:00

I write this morning with a very broken heart. Please go to rockstarronan.com and follow this story of such an amazing and brave little boy. I believe in miracles and will continue to pray for one for this family, believing that a miracle can happen. I write this with so many feelings. I want to love better, hug my loved ones tighter and live life better and to the fullest. I get so caught up in stupid things and thinking and worrying about dumb things that really do not matter. I hope that this can be a lesson I remember everyday. To love better and to spend more time on important things. Things that really matter. Things that matter in eternity and not just for the moment. This sweet family is walking a rode in life that is unfair and is so hard. Harder than I can even wrap my little brain around. Please pray with me for this family.

Also, I woke up to reading mass stories on the destruction in the south of all the tornadoes that killed numbers in the 100's. Again, these people are walking a rode I have never had to walk and have no idea how I would except with the grace of God. It is so easy to not think much about it when it doesn't directly impact you.. but these people are on my heart this morning and I will be keeping these people in my prayers. Also, Dave Wilkerson, a well-known pastor died yesterday in a car wreck. There is so much pain and sadness in the world today. Makes me thankful for hope in Jesus. I would be lost without that.

While reading my bible this morning and having some quiet time by myself (which is priceless to me) I kept singing Phil Wickham's song Messiah.

Messiah. Messiah. Messiah, save us. You are our only hope. You are our only hope. You are our only hope. Messiah. Messiah. Messiah, save us.

I feel as though this is a perfect song for today.

Beat to a different drum.....

2011-04-27T10:33:00.000-07:00

Since living here in WA, my girls and I have been able to get involved in a co-op for homeschoolers. I have never ever in my life been a fan of co-ops, and actually I tend to run and hide from the thought of them but I love this one and my kids love it too. I have met many wonderful women who are inspiring to me as they walk through the journey that is homeschooling. I look at the sacrifices they make as a family. Living on one income, passing up many material things just in order to offer their kids education at home and to follow their dreams to teach their children. I think it is so easy for us to look at families and see them in their big houses, taking huge vacations, getting caught up in what society tells us our kids should get caught up in, etc and to think that that is what makes a family happy and healthy. While all those things are fine, I have to say that they are not the things that matter to me anymore. I love nice things, and want nice things for my family but I also want to remember what is important. To know and remember that if I can hand my kids everything they want materially, and not give them anything else, what good am I as a mother? I just see these women working hard, loving their kids, keeping their homes in order, and making a happy home even if it doesn't look like it fits up to the standards of the families around them. As I go to this co-op, I am always reminded that homeschoolers are different and I embrace that difference full on. I love it and actually have come to thrive off of it. I want to think outside the box for my kids and want the best for them. I want their hearts most of all to be pure and right. I want more for them than what society can offer. I want them to follow their call on their lives and dream big and to love others and to love Jesus.

2011-04-26T19:59:00.000-07:00

I love good conversation. Tonight after dinner, my mom and dad and I sat for a few minutes and just discussed church and scripture. I love that. I love that my dad grabbed his Bible, read a few verses and then we talked about it. We often talk about church and things that are I guess what you could call spiritual, but it often ends with us realizing we are jaded and a bit cynical. I really am all of these things. I just feel that there is so much junk out there and it is scary and sometimes discouraging.

On another note, I ran almost 5 miles the other day. I usually do around 2-3 and have ran over 6 before but it was a sunny day and I just felt like pushing myself and it felt so good. I was so proud of myself and my pace is getting a little better finally! :) I still can't believe I am a runner and that I actually love it!

2011-04-13T15:36:00.000-07:00

I just cannot seem to believe the amount of people I know that are really dealing with some painful hardships right now. It seems to be endless and I wish I could take away the pain for these people. I know it is all a part of living life in this world. We have to deal with disease, pain, suffering, hardships, etc... but it is hard when these things hit close to home. I guess it puts everything into perspective. Life is short and life is hard. I guess it makes sense to make the most of it and to not waste any moment.

On a side note, I have to say that it is so nice to be surrounded by people who are not crazy. I met some great people in KY but when it came to church, I had a hard time with what some people around me believed or were "into". I love that there is nothing weird or that there is no psycho babble with the people that I am surrounded with. I love that I can trust those around me and that I don't have to second guess what I am being taught or what advise I am given. It is a relief. These people around me just keep it simple and aren't chasing the next great feeling or the next big teaching. I am thankful for this.

I took the girls to the library today to get them library cards. They were so pumped to check out some things under their own names :) makes this homeschool mother happy to see them pumped up about reading!

pain

2011-04-04T19:03:00.000-07:00

I am feeling a heavy heart for many of my dear friends today. There are so many I know that are facing some very difficult things right now. Things that are devastating and life changing and depressing. It makes my heart literally hurt and makes me wish that I could take away the pain for people. I realize that this world is not perfect and there will always be pain.... but it is so awful to see people have to face things with no other choice. I am vowing to each of my friends facing these things that I will stand with them and hold them up in prayer daily and that my mind is thinking of them and pulling for them to receive peace and miracles through their situations.

tears in my imaginary m&ms

2011-03-30T16:32:00.000-07:00

Crying a lot of tears of frustration today and blogging about it only because I have no other way of an outlet at the moment. I am tired. Worn out and tired of being strong. I want to scream, beat my fists at someone and eat an entire bag of M&M's but only if they are peanut butter. I am trying to be a Proverbs 31 woman and trying to bite my tongue and keep it together. Instead, naughty words are filling my head, my blood pressure is probably thru the roof and my kids are currently being ignored because my mind is so fogged. They keep coming up to me, asking me why I am crying and begging to go to the dollar store. I shew them away while giving them only a silly response as to why I am crying. I just tell them I am angry. I guess that is pretty much the truth. I am angry.
It is hard to keep trusting and hard to stay positive all the time. I try my best but days like today I feel very defeated. Then I overthink these stupid thoughts and then my world really becomes a mess.
Thank you blogger.com for being there when no one else is there for me to vent to or when I am too ashamed to vent because in the scheme of life my venting has no grounds. I am totally a dork who blogs when I am mad but sometimes it totally makes me feel better. Now I do feel better but unfortunately it is one of those annoying days where the tears are going to have a mind of their own and keep flowing even though I am over it. Oh how I hate that. I am convinced that is part of the curse of sin!

So, now that this entry is nearing the end, I feel better but my head is pounding, the tears have wet my entire face and dropped on my shirt and my mouth is still watering for peanut butter M&M's that I do not have and cannot eat. SIGH.

YAHOOOOOO!!!!!!

2011-03-27T13:25:00.000-07:00

A lot has happened since I last wrote. First and most important!!!!....... Our house is in a contract again! I am not sure how much I have blogged about this so here goes- we have been waiting for our buyers financing to come through and it finally has! We are so pumped and excited and thankful. She was the only one on the list to receive those funds and the funds came three weeks sooner than expected. It has been quite a ride but I know that God has a plan and His timing is perfect. I am so thankful that there are not even enough words for me to explain how I feel. AND Joel is coming out at the end of April! There is a light at the end of this tunnel! :)

Also, we went to my cousins last night. We discussed education and it was so comforting to have family members affirm to me that they stood behind my choice to homeschool. I am thankful for family that cares, understands and simply trusts that Joel and I are making the choice that is right for our family and not just giving us all their narrow minded reasons about why we should not. A homeschool mother always needs that encouragement. Always.

I am so so so thankful today. I feel as though I have so much to shout about. So much to be thankful for. So much to think about and to hold tight to. God truly is good all of the time.

2011-03-24T16:59:00.000-07:00

and this is why Rob Bell is completely missing the mark here. I am starting to feel that that man has no idea what he really believes. He has asked too many questions in his lifetime which would be fine if he actually had some answers. Thank you Mark Driscoll for speaking truth even if the truth is very painful. The truth usually is.

2011-03-23T19:42:00.001-07:00

Praise the Lord our taxes are done!

I accomplished a lot today. New drivers license, new plates for my car, taxes signed and done.... and I even managed to school my children and get a run in the mix! It was a beautiful day. Nice and sunny and actually felt pretty warm. Jesslyn said it felt like summer!

We got to ichat with daddy tonight. It has been many weeks since we have seen him and we miss him terribly. We are in good hands here with my parents and we are having fun but there is no one who can take the place of daddy. Nevaeh especially. She is one who really needs her daddy around. She keeps talking about him and thinking about him and praying for the months to pass by quickly before he gets here.

We miss you daddy! xoxoxoxo

2011-03-22T15:47:00.000-07:00

When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Your consolations delight my soul.
Psalm 94:19

I came across this verse yesterday and it was perfect for me to read. My thoughts are often anxious and they seem to multiply inside my head and turn into irrational thoughts of needless worry. I need to cling to this.

blah

2011-03-21T15:57:00.001-07:00

Today was one of those days that I hate. I had some calls to take care of and some things to get done and some bills to pay. It was one of those days that seem to get away from me. Days where I feel distracted from my kids and unable to focus on things. My mind is scattered and my thoughts are everywhere. I feel anxious and feel like I want to fix things that are out of my hands. I want our house to finalize and for our life in Kentucky to come to a close. I want to no longer owe KY tax money .. I just want to put that state behind me. It was good to us in so many ways yet so frustrating in so many others.
We managed to get schoolwork done today. Often on these kind of days, it is tricky to even get some schoolwork done. I am glad that we at least did that. So, now I need to calm down, let go of things that I cannot control, and let God do His thing. I hate feeling anxious and I know that I need to knock it off.

Dear Daughters,

2011-03-18T17:13:00.000-07:00

To my Nevaeh and Jesslyn,

I am so thankful to be your mother. I love each of you and am thankful for the unique personality that each of you has and for the special way that God has made both of you. I know I will never be perfect but trust me when I say that I am trying my best, in my own human helpless state, to be the best mom that I can to both of you. I want good for you. I want your hearts to be pure. I want you to make wise choices and to come to me for advice if you are not so sure what choice to make. I want you to be honest, hard working, and I want you to grow up to be strong women who fear God. I want you to follow your dreams and to accomplish the things and desires that God has put into your heart. I want you to cherish family. To respect your elders, to put others first, to enjoy life to the fullest.... to be full of joy and peace and to share your joy with others. I want you to not settle. To always live by your convictions. To know what you want and stand by what you believe. I want you to not follow the norm, to be your own person, to stand firm in who you are, to love the body that God gave you and to honor your body in all you do. I want you to seek God in your life, to treasure His word in your heart and to never give up. I know that God has big plans for you and I can't wait to see what those are someday. I love both of you..... and am often amazed at how blessed I am to be a mother.

Love,
Mommy

2011-03-17T11:51:00.000-07:00

I am going to get our taxes done today. For many of you, you already know without me even saying it how excited I am when the word taxes is mentioned.. actually, it makes my stomach hurt and the thought of it makes me want to crawl under a rock for awhile. I am hoping that all of our past tax issues are now taken care of and I am really thankful that we will be out of KY and will no longer have to worry about making estimated taxes. That is the pits.

After I get the taxes done, I am going to meet my friend Rana for dinner tonight in Vancouver. I have seen her a few times since I have been home now but tonight we will be able to catch up on life. I am really looking forward to it. Plus, no kids... have I mentioned how great it is to have my parents around. I was able to run yesterday because my dad was around to watch the girls. It is fabulous!

My girls are really wanting to start making a little money helping out around the house.. well, grandmas house :) they cleaned their room this morning and have been picking up things all over the house. They are asking that I give them $2 a week each for them to keep up daily with making their bed and getting things picked up. Sounds like a deal to me. I know this is something that we should have started a long time ago .. to also incorporate the importance of money, how it works, how it is important to save some and all the other things that go along with money. A lot of lessons about money I am still learning myself.

Anyways, Happy St Patrick's Day. Jesslyn has already pinched me twice! I better get my green on!

The controversy

2011-03-16T21:47:00.000-07:00

With all of the Rob Bell controversy going on today, there are many things that I could write, many feelings that stir up inside of me about the Emergent Church... but I listened to a clip today by John Piper about the Emergent church and it hit the nail on the head for me. He explained how dangerous it is to focus more on relationships than on truth. I am turned off by the lovey dovey touchy feely weird relationships that people have with one another. We focus so much on relationships and making people feel good and fuzzy inside that we often tend to ignore truth. Truth is truth. You either accept it or not. We are afraid to say something is absolute for fear of hurting someone. We must believe that the Bible is absolute truth. Piper hit in on the head and I hope he is right. I hope the Emergent church will not be around in ten years.

2011-03-16T19:36:00.000-07:00

Tonight I was able to ichat with Joel. I have not seen him in over a month and it was nice for the kids and I to be able to see his face. We all are having a great time here with family but I know the girls are really missing him.

Today was a good day. We finished up school and then I headed to the lake for a run. It began to rain a bit and it felt so good. I think I might actually enjoy running in the rain. It does my heart good.

2011-03-15T21:50:00.001-07:00

Why oh why do people call Jesus or God or whoever Papa. Drives me crazy. Papa? Really?!

2011-03-15T17:21:00.000-07:00

I have figured out why I like Mark Driscoll. There are many reasons.... but ultimately, I am convinced that it is because he is not a pansy and he takes his job seriously. He is not afraid to call out those who are teaching dangerously. I love that. I hate when pastors do not take their jobs seriously and just let anything be taught or said or they don't step in to protect their sheep. It ticks me off. Thank you Driscoll, for stepping on toes, and for calling things out, and for taking your job seriously.

Birthdays!

2011-03-15T15:47:00.000-07:00

Jesslyn turned 6 yesterday. I love that kid. She can often be difficult but she adds so much fun to our family.

Today I turned 34. Just a few more years and then 40?! yikes.

My mom took my girls shopping and they bought me gum, mentos, earrings, and a DVD of the Best of the Cosby Show for my birthday. Perfect gifts. They were so excited to see me open them and begged me all day to actually sit down and open the presents. Only thing missing today is daddy. We are surviving but wish he was around to celebrate with us!

Heritage....

2011-03-09T15:41:00.000-08:00

I am not sure if this is all happening because I have a birthday quickly approaching, or if it is because I am now back in my hometown, or if this is just a natural progression in a persons life, but I have been reflecting a lot lately. I am starting to refocus and am feeling an extreme sense of getting my house in order. Not physical house, since I no longer have that, but in a sense of family, in raising my kids, and how I want that all to look. I am realizing and reflecting back on my childhood so much lately. I am beyond thankful for my parents my aunts and uncles, my cousins and for the rich heritage I have been raised with. This is actually overwhelming me lately. The goodness of God on my life because of my rich heritage. Talking about this brings me to tears and reminds me of His blessings and His goodness and hand on my life. We headed to my aunts last night for dinner and while we were there, we looked through old pics from 1986 of us all going to Sunriver and Disneyland. I love that my family was big and that we all did these fun trips together. As the night went on at my aunts, we talked about church, theology, stuff that is messed up in the church today and the weird and whacked out teachings that take place in churches today. I realized that my strong opinions and strong feelings for such nonsense comes from my family. I was raised to know better and to fear being deceived. I am thankful for a rock solid family.. filled with people who are strong in what they know and do not run to the next thought or book to the next new thing or feeling. I now know why I have sat in some of these classes where 'crap' is being taught, and it makes my skin crawl. I come by it honestly and I cannot just sit and jump on the next bandwagon with the rest of them. It is just not in me. All that to say, I want this for my kids. I want them to be rock solid. To know what they believe, to have family that stands with them and believes in them and prays for them. To have a foundation that is strong, that will never leave them. I pray for this daily.
As we left my aunts, my aunt prayed over Joel and I and for the process of our house to finalize. She encouraged me to trust and to thank Him for what He has done in Joel and I. God, am I thankful for my family and my heritage. My cup runs over... and over... and over.

Please Forgive Me - Jason Crabb, Michael English

2011-03-07T11:09:00.000-08:00

LOVE this guys voice. Love this song. Love this video. Talk about humbling and what we should all act like.

PS- the singers in this room are amazing and flawless. No voice in secular music can even compare.

PEACE

2011-03-02T13:36:00.000-08:00

I sing because I'm happy. I sing because I'm free.

I am learning and trying to keep it at the top of my mind that having peace is priceless. True joy cannot be bought. Peace is such a great feeling. To be able to know true peace... there is nothing that can take its place.

Love these lyrics.. wish I always followed this.

2011-03-01T21:08:00.000-08:00

What a friend we have in Jesus,
all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit,
O what needless pain we bear,
all because we do not carry
everything to God in prayer.

Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged;
take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful
who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden,
cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge;
take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?
Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In his arms he'll take and shield thee;
thou wilt find a solace there.

Oh Boy

2011-03-01T20:36:00.000-08:00

You know you are totally jaded when Charlie Sheen's recent behavior does not phase you. This is where I am at in life. The news is talking all about it. So, the man is saying stupid things and he is boasting about living with women who don't judge him. Of course they do not, they get to live with a millionaire and have all time access to cocaine and sex. Why would they leave? I am kind of sad that nothing shocks me anymore.

2011-02-26T15:49:00.000-08:00

Here are a few pics from our Disneyland trip. What a fantastic few days we had walking around the parks. Joel and I literally took a walk down memory lane being there on Main Street. So great. We spent three days there, going back and forth from park to park. Nevaeh's favorite ride was Soaring over California and Jesslyn's favorite ride was It's a Small World. We had a great time and made many great memories that I hope my kids remember forever. I am thankful for the trip and thankful we were able to make it happen. I went often as a kid so it was nice to have my kids get to experience the same thing I used to so many years ago. We also ate breakfast at Chicken Dinner Restaurant at Knott's Berry Farm which was a restaurant that Joel and I used to go to as kids. The girls were so pumped to eat fried chicken and eggs for breakfast. On the last day at the park, the kids were tired so Joel took them back to the hotel for a bit. I did not want to leave so I spent the rest of the day in the park by myself. It was FANTASTIC. I sat and drank coffee and had a Mickey ear shaped rice crispy treat on Main Street. I sat and watched people walking by and then did some riding and shopping by myself. I have to say, it was awesome and I would do that again in a heartbeat. I was there so long that Joel texted me wondering if I was ever coming back. I think I could have stayed there forever :)

Life

2011-02-26T15:20:00.001-08:00

I attended a funeral today. I did not know the man well but know many of his family members. I found myself fighting tears and feeling the joy and sadness that the rest of the family was feeling today. As old hymns were sung, I felt tears beginning to roll down my cheeks. There is something about those old songs that get me every time. I sat there listening to the family talk about there fond memories and began to think about what I hope people might say about me when I pass on. I also looked as the grandkids participated and sang of the hope of Jesus that one has when facing death. It totally touches me and makes me want more than anything to leave that kind of legacy for my family. To pass on to my kids what is really important and to hope that they cherish life and live it for Jesus.It was time for me to really think about what is important and how life is just a vapor but eternity is forever.
This funeral was just what I needed today. I needed that reminder. There are things that literally have been eating at me lately. Things that really irritate me, things that I wish I could change, things that I find so incredibly unfair to those I love..... but I realized that those things that have really been eating at me are stupid and a complete waste of my time. I am wasting time. I have been giving too much thought and time to things that do not matter on this side of life and I am hoping to get better at this.. to stop wasting precious time. Time is precious because life is short. I want to live a good life. Not a life filled with material things but a GOOD life. A life that really matters.

Like the great John Piper says-"It is better to lose your life than to waste it."

just a few things going on with me....

2011-02-21T17:58:00.000-08:00

* I am officially a west coaster again.
* I am trying to cut out caffeine.. at least some of it. I am way too addicted.
* I am having a hard time getting into life. Still wishing I was on vacation.
* I love having my parents around for my kids.
* I miss my sister's family.
* I am ready for the house to be completely done... with all papers signed.
* I am watching the news right now and it is frightening.
* I have not ran since Arizona and I have little energy. I need to have some running in my life asap.
* I do want to see the Justin Beiber movie... yes, I really do.
* I feel as though Nevaeh has grown up overnight.
* I now realize why I think how I think. It is the Carns in me.
* I am praying that God will direct us in our next steps... where exactly to live and where specifically to begin our new life.
* I also have many other things on my prayer list. Things that are burning in my heart to change.

Superbowl... I love football but not really into it this year.

2011-02-06T08:46:00.000-08:00

I am tired this morning.
I feel as though I have a lot on my mind.... so many things floating in my head. Some serious, some random.
I am ready for the new adventure we are about to embark upon.
I am ready to head to California. I have not been there in quite some time and am looking forward to being there. DISNEYLAND!
I am glad that we will have some time with just the girls to have a family vacation. Much needed.
I am looking forward to seeing my parents. It has been too many months.
I am noticing that Jesslyn talks a lot. She asks me questions all day long. Some random and some deep.
I am going to make sure we eat at In and Out one more time while on this trip!

First leg of the trip was a success!

2011-02-02T12:07:00.000-08:00

We made it to Arizona... what an amazing roadtrip. We made it one day earlier than we had planned. The kids did amazingly awesome and Joel drove the entire time.. while I slept :)
We began our journey leaving KY and stayed our first night in Springfield MO. Then the next night we made it to Albuquerque and then made it to AZ the next day. We stopped at the steakhouse in TX where Man Vs Food has filmed before and also saw the Cadillac Ranch! So fun. I would take another roadtrip in a heartbeat. Oh wait, I get to do it again next week! So, our time here in AZ has been good so far. We have a few days left then we will be on to Cali! Wahoo! Pics and videos will come later when I feel like uploading them!

2011-01-20T15:41:00.001-08:00

We leave for our vacation/moving trip in just 5 days. I think I am almost ready. Trying to make sure every little thing is done. I can't wait to be with Joel and the girls... driving through some states. Many memories to be made.

Last night I had dinner with two close friends. We ate great food and laughed and talked.. and they both had very special gifts for me. I will cherish these gifts but even more cherish these women. Both hold special places in my heart. I am so fortunate to have been many places to meet many amazing people. People with amazing stories and views of life. People who have lived all over the world and have experienced so much. I am thankful for who God has placed in my life. Even if those relationships will soon just be through the phone or facebook, I count myself extremely blessed.

SNOW?!

2011-01-18T15:06:00.000-08:00

I just heard snow is coming our way. I usually welcome this with open arms and a pot of coffee but I do not have time for snow. I have a dinner date with two very important ladies on Thursday and if snow interrupts this... I am not going to be happy. That's all.

2011-01-14T15:05:00.000-08:00

I have a high school friend who lost her husband last night due to a heart attack. It breaks my heart. He was too young and is leaving behind a wife and children. It just does not seem right. I hate it and cannot imagine the pain they will go through.

That being said, I feel that this is another reminder of what is important. Loving and taking in every moment. Living life not consumed with silliness but living it to love others. It makes me so thankful for Joel.. my kids... my family, etc. We always think that these things can never happen to us when in fact we all can face these things at any moment in time. I know we cannot live in fear. We must trust. We must love and hug on our families more.

On another note, I had coffee with a dear lady today. We do not see each other often but she is a woman that I look up to. Someone I would go to for advice. Someone I would go to to seek wisdom. Her husband also reminds me of my dad in many ways. Again, I am thankful to have people like this in my life.

Hug on those you love today. Then do it more every day.

Good, so good.

2011-01-13T13:13:00.000-08:00

I feel as thought I am on top of the world today. We accomplished a lot of schoolwork today, Joel and I got to chat together this morning (which does not usually happen), and plans are just all falling into place. I am amazed. I am joyful. I am looking forward to the future. I feel rich. Not in the sense of the word rich in worldly terms, but rich because of my kids, my husband, those that love me, health, and love from God. I love how God has placed awesome people in my life. People that challenge me to be better. I love that the joy that I feel is not always determined by my circumstances. It is being able to look at anything.. good or bad and to be able to truly say.. "it is well with my soul."

another post.. told you lots on my mind

2011-01-12T10:25:00.000-08:00

I love music. All kinds. All people.. fast slow loud quiet- you name it, for the most part, I like it. It makes you feel things.. happy sad, joyful, mad, irritated, etc. It is powerful.
I love it and am glad my kids love it too. that's all.

My heart is heavy today.... lots on my mind.

2011-01-12T06:22:00.001-08:00

I have a lot on my mind today. Good things and things that make my blood boil. I realize we all stay stupid things, we speak when we should not, we are hypocritical and often find it hard to look at ourselves objectively. My husband is pretty good at looking at things objectively so I am trying hard to learn this from him and to put it into practice. First off, Christians (and yes I proclaim to be one) are so stupid sometimes. They say the stupidest things and have no idea the damage those things can do. I understand we are to be a light but sometimes we can cause more damage. I hate to see this and I am certain I have been guilty of this at some points in my life. God forgive me. I need to love as you loved.
Second, I am amazed at the blame game going on with this guy who took several lives as he opened fire in a Safeway in AZ. Can we not just come together as a country even on this? Lives are lost and we want to blame talk radio? that would be like me blaming a song on the radio for something I did.. seriously I do not get it. We cannot look objectively anymore. It is all about right and left. I am not even a Palin fan at all but there is no way I could honestly blame her for this nut job who did these killings. No one in there right mind does things like that. It was his fault. He did it... he is crazy, No one MADE him do it. Can we just look back and see things like this without making them political? without making crazy accusations? I just do not get it. I hope to God that I am never so blinded by my side of politics and beliefs that I can not look at things objectively. I know it is hard and I know I am guilty but it just makes me sad. Let's come together. Right now.
Another thing, I am trying to sell things on Craigslist and I am about to lose my mind. I have never had this experience before. People cannot be trusted. They send me spam all the time and it is getting old. They keep sending me links to Obama giving me money. GRRRRRR. First off, I don't want his money (he has none to give) and it is bogus! STOP sending them to me!!!

what drives you nuts?

2011-01-11T15:22:00.000-08:00

What drives you crazy? Here are a few things that drive me nuts.. and it's my blog so I can make that list!

- blameshifters. I get that we all do it to some extent- but seriously.. grow up and take responsibility for yourself. You are too old to say- "she made me do it."

- I can't stand it when people are fasting and post it all over facebook. No one wants to know... and it is a private thing.

-I am not a fan of hearing someone floss their teeth. The sound gets under my skin.

-I hate when I feel I have wasted a day. Or do I, because I have been doing it a lot lately.

- I also do not like how people CAPITALIZE random WORDS to prove a point and put 50 MILLION Exclamation marks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (even though I often put more than I should.)

-I hate how laundry is never ever ever done. It always comes back.

I do love many things though... but just felt the urge to get those things that drive me nuts off my chest. :)

thank you Jesus!!

2011-01-11T08:21:00.001-08:00

My theme song for the day... totally clinging to these words and thankful for His promises.

Thank You for Your kindness
Thank You for Your mercy
Thank You for the cross
Thank You for the price You paid

Thank You for salvation
Thank You for unending grace
Thank You for Your hope
Thank You for this life You gave

There is no one like You
There is no one like You, God
All my hope is in You
Jesus, Jesus

Thank You for Your promise
Thank You for Your favor
And thank You for Your love
And everything You've done for me

There is no one like You
There is no one like You, God
All my hope is in You
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus

To Your name
We give all the glory
To Your name
We give all the praise

You're alive
Our God everlasting
So let Your face shine on us

There is no one like You
There is no one like You, God
And all my hope is in You
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus

To Your name
We give all the glory
To Your name
We give all the praise

You're alive
Our God everlasting
So let Your face shine on us

To Your name
We give all the glory
To Your name
We give all the praise

You're alive
Our God everlasting
So let Your face shine on us
So let Your face shine on us
So let Your face shine on us

Happy News!

2011-01-03T16:43:00.000-08:00

I am currently home alone while Joel took the girls to buy a soccer ball. It is in the middle of winter but it was sunny today. I think that they think it is going to be spring soon. Not even close guys! Anyways, today was a great day. I started it out with some quiet time, a workout , a shower and then school with the girls. Every time I gave them a break from school, I spent it praying and crying for Ronan, the little boy fighting cancer who had surgery today...... I am so happy to say that it was a success. Not sure of details as of now, but surgery went well. It is so cool to see everyone come together on facebook and to know that people all over the world are praying and fighting for that little boy. I love when good people come together and support each other. I also found out that some friends of mine who have been waiting and waiting to have a baby... found out that they are indeed pregnant. They are going to be great parents. I love days when I hear good news like this. It reminds me that as awful as the world is and how it seems bad news hits us left and right sometimes, God is still in control and is doing awesome things among us.

This is totally random but this is my blog and I just have to say it... I cannot stand it when people refer to God as daddy or dad. I realize He is our spiritual father but for some reason it just totally creeps me out.

2011-01-02T07:24:00.000-08:00

Here is a picture of the Koch Family... good friends indeed.

Happy New Year!

2011-01-02T06:50:00.000-08:00

It is a new year and it is about to get crazy for us. Lots going on.... a lot to be excited about. I am ready for the ride. I love how everyone loves new starts and loves the newness and freshness of a new year. Just a few of my goals for this year.....
love my kids more and deeper every day...
be a better and more loving wife.....
read the entire bible in a year.....
read more... (I read two books yesterday so I am off to a good start!)....
continue to run and run some more races!.....
learn to do some crafty things.....

there are many more things that I have in the back of mind to accomplish this year. I am looking forward to loving family, making memories most of all, and no going one single day without thanking Jesus for the many blessings in my life!

Power of Prayer

2010-12-29T13:28:00.000-08:00

My kids have two people that they specifically pray for with their daddy every night before heading to bed. These two precious people are battling cancer. Both people have recently had some good news to share about their cancer. It is so great to see our kids' eyes light up and to be able to tell them that their prayers are working. That prayer is powerful and to never stop believing or giving up on prayer. The bible tells us to have faith like a child. I can see the faith in their eyes. It is amazing and awesome to see. What a testimony of what prayer can do. Never give up, always believe.

A Very Merry Christmas

2010-12-28T08:11:00.000-08:00

Christmas was great this year. It really was just nice to have Joel have some days off and to just play! Play with the girls, play games, watch movies and sled! We made some great memories and it was fun to have some cousin time with Will here. The kids played well together and had a ton of fun. I am not ready to put all the decorations away just yet. I love the lights on the tree at night. It always go by way too fast!

Picture Perfect

2010-12-21T10:43:00.000-08:00

It began snowing last night. Huge beautiful flakes. I woke up, the kids got dressed for playing outside and I began baking while they played. I then joined them and we did some sledding and built a tiny snowman. Nevaeh called it a midget snowman but I am thinking that is not really PC... so let's just say it was a little snowman. Then I came inside, and began playing some Christmas music while baking away. It is so perfect and feels so much like how Christmas should be.... I am expecting Bing Crosby to walk in my kitchen to tell me to count my blessings instead of sheep. :) I am trying to enjoy and savor every single moment with my girls these next few days while Joel is working. I love this time of year... just wish someone would clean up my mess in the kitchen... and I have run out of sugar... who can bake goodies without sugar?!

Awaited-1- Baby Love Crashed into the World_12-19-09

2010-12-20T17:31:00.000-08:00

Love this song. This is from a church here in Cincinnati.

I will fight..... and give it my all.

2010-12-20T16:47:00.001-08:00

We have recently had to explain some things to our kids that we never thought we would have to explain to them. I hate having to tell them the hard honest truth about life. About how people's poor decisions effect those around them. About how our choices can lead us down really crummy paths.... but I would rather tell them the truth and talk openly about these things, than pretend life is great and perfect. I want more than anything for my kids to learn from others mistakes, instead of making awful ones on their own. I am not stupid, I understand that they will make poor choices and will have to learn things the hard way.. but I also want them to know, that bad choices can be escaped. We don't have to watch them go down a path of destruction. I want more for my kids. I will fight with them to have better lives and to make good choices. I know Joel and I will always love them but with that love, I hope to God that we will be open and honest and tell them straight forward if they are out of line or if they are destroying others and themselves by their stupid choices. As Joel was talking with the girls last night about what happens when we make bad choices, I couldn't help but be extremely thankful that Joel and I are a team, working together for the good of the girls. We will make mistakes but I know we can honestly look at each other and our kids and know that we have given it everything we got.

On a lighter note, Christmas is 5 days away. This week will consist of baking with the girls and wrapping a few last gifts and watching endless hours of Christmas movies. I can't wait! :)

what a week!

2010-12-12T10:07:00.001-08:00

It has been a crazy week. Crazy in a good way. I can't go into details quite yet but I am thankful that God cares about details and that He cares about the desires of our hearts.

So, our church is doing an adopt a child for Christmas. The girls wanted to take part in this and I was so happy. We picked up the info on our child and went shopping for them. I love that my kids love to give and I hope that they always see the importance of it. Nevaeh said that she thinks he will love what we picked out for the little boy and that we should adopt our own little boy on Christmas because she wants a baby brother. Wow. Not sure what to think of that yet.

December is quickly passing. I am trying to savor each day. We got some snow last night and I think we are supposed to get quite a bit more tonight. YIPEE!! I love it as long as I do not have to go anywhere and I would really love a White Christmas! :)

Linus Christmas Monologue

2010-11-30T14:00:00.000-08:00

Another year, another photo shoot

2010-11-26T16:44:00.000-08:00

Here are two of my favorite from our photo session with our good friend Jonathan. We have done this three years now and it is always a blast. I love my family and I am very blessed!

My First 10K

2010-11-26T16:32:00.000-08:00

I woke up on Thanksgiving morning to the sound of massive rain hitting our roof. I was tempted to roll back over and snuggle up with Joel but decided to get my butt up and get on my running shoes. I am now glad that I had to prepay almost $50 to run this race or I have a feeling I would have rolled right on over to go back to sleep. After drinking my coconut water and eating a banana I headed out to the Bengals stadium. It was raining so hard that while I walked from my car to my stadium, I was completely soaked and once again wishing I was snuggled up in my bed. I walked into the stadium to find myself surrounded by thousands of people.. all trying to stay dry and prepare and stretch for the 6.2 miles ahead of us. We finally headed outside to the starting line and so it began. The rain had stopped by then and I was now surrounded by all kinds of people, from many walks of life, of all shapes and sizes, ready to cross the finish line. Many people were there to cheer us along the way. We ran through the city and then crossed a bridge into Kentucky and eventually made our way over another bridge back into Cincinnati. The rain held off most of the race. I could not help but hold back tears as I crossed the finish line. It was not easy for me but yet easier than I had thought it would be. It is such a great feeling to know that I have set my mind to something I thought would be impossible for me, and to push through and do it. I felt great the rest of the day. I came home to find my husband working hard in the kitchen to get Thanksgiving dinner ready to go. We sat down, just the four of us, and had a great time eating together. Then we all rested and took naps and then headed to the Hensley's house. This is a dear family we met from our previous church. We played games and laughed and had such a great time that Nevaeh has been begging me all day to go back. Even though we were not with our families today, it was truly a great day filled with love and thankfulness. It even ended with the rain turning over to snow. It was a good day indeed.

2010-11-23T09:25:00.000-08:00

Two days until Thanksgiving. I am ready.... a bit freaked out for my 10K that morning but am trying to tell myself it will be a good experience and that I will not die :)
the house is completely decorated for Christmas. I can't wait until after Thanksgiving to do it. I am too excited to savor every moment.
We are getting our annual family photos this Friday. I found outfits for the girls no problem but now am faced with the huge challenge of what to wear myself. UGH.

my second 5K

2010-11-18T06:37:00.000-08:00

I beat my time! It was a beautiful morning.. almost 70 degrees that day. It feels so good to accomplish something I never thought I would be able to do. Now I am signed up for a 10K on Thanksgiving morning. It starts at the Bengals stadium and we will be running downtown and over bridges.. I am super nervous and have already told myself it is okay if I have to walk some. I am only halfway through training for a 10K but I am wiling to give it a try, knowing it is okay to walk some. Not much, but some. It is supposed to be cold and rainy.. should make it interesting!

"Because of Your Love" by Phil Wickham

2010-11-16T09:10:00.000-08:00

I LOVE THIS SONG. and Phil Wickham.

widsom

2010-11-15T08:07:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I think my nine year old has more wisdom than I do. That is either saying a lot about me or says a lot about her. I hope it is just saying a lot about her. We were getting ready for church yesterday and we headed to the car. Jesslyn started to cry and said she didn't have friends at church and that she wanted to go to her old church. We have recently changed churches and the transition has went very well for my kids. Better than I expected but yesterday was a different story. I did not know how to handle it and did not feel strong enough to even try so I went and sat down, throwing my own kind of fit and fighting tears. Nevaeh walked over to me and said "mommy, if Grandma and Grandpa were here they would tell you that Jesslyn does not get to be the one to make the choice. We need to go and she is going to just have to deal with it". She was right... and I thanked her for it. This is also the girl who told me that if I made her go to another church, she was going to get up on stage and yell how much she hated it! I am thankful the transition has been easy for her. It is never fun to have to change something that was once a huge part of our life. Thank you Jesus that you are faithful and that all is going well with this change, except for a little snag here and there.

I hope both of my girls are full of wisdom. I know that there will be times when they do not use their best judgement but I hope that they are at least seeking right things.

30 Things I am Thankful For

2010-11-08T07:12:00.000-08:00

Some of these things are meaningful and some are pretty shallow but are still things I am thankful for :) In no particular order. :)

1. a husband who does not play video games all day and sit in his boxers. He works hard, thank you Jesus.
2. two healthy kids.... I am learning daily to not take this for granted because it could change at any moment.
3. parents who are my best friends. They are full of wisdom and strength for me.
4. a house that keeps us warm.
5. running water and electricity......
6. not living under a dictatorship... having freedom.
7. the chance to go visit my family often. THANKFUL
8. Skype.. this helps me be able to talk to my sister's family.. face to face.
9. a church where the Bible is preached and the teaching is relevant to my life.
10. Mark Driscoll and his ministry.... I have learned so much from his teachings.
11. the chance to stay home and teach my girls.
12. Target :)
13. coffee
14. technology...
15. my hair straightener
16. my Uggs.. keeping my toes warm all winter :)
17. good and faithful friends
18. a large extended family.. I do not see them much but am thankful for all the memories as a kid.
19. my own health and health of my husband... we take this for granted.
20. the health of my parents... they can never die. I will not allow it :)
21. being raised with balanced parents.. letting me make my own choices within reason.... and not being legalistic.
22. my phone... sad, but not sure what I would do without it.
23. my deck.... being able to sit out and read in the warm sun.
24. Trader Joe's... a good place to work and great place to get groceries.
25. coconut and chocolate together... mmmm.
26. fall... pumpkins and leaves.
27. peppermint... I love anything peppermint.
28. laughter
29. my running shoes.. and my running app.
30. Jesus

My girls have my heart.

2010-11-06T10:17:00.000-07:00

Nevaeh- I love your tender heart. Please always stay that way. Everytime we watch a sad movie, you end up in tears. You are giving, sensitive, and are literally the best big sister ever. There are so many times when Jesslyn irritates you so bad that you should just punch her (sometimes you do) but for the most part, you know what to do to make it right. You follow rules and know your own boundaries. Please stay like this. It will keep you out of a lot of trouble as you get older.

Jesslyn- you are still little to me.. but have always been independent. You make me laugh. You love to sing and dance and carry around a microphone. You are developing a love for reading which makes me so happy because your sister still hates it :) You love to help me crack eggs when I'm baking.. and you are pretty good at not getting any shells in. You are still little enough to need me and to cuddle on me.. maybe you will always want to do that. I sure hope so.

Yesterday, I was feeling a tremendous amount of love for my kids. I love them everyday but there are often days that I take for granted as a mom. Times when I just get irritated, times when I just can't wait to put you in bed. I am not sure why, but yesterday was one of those days where I felt so much love and so much happiness to be your mom. What a great calling and what a great mission for my life. To parent you, to mother you, to help you grow up to be the women God has called you to be. Love is a funny thing. It is strong, it is unbreakable and often unexplainable.

2010-11-04T14:11:00.000-07:00

I made bread and pumpkin pie today. My house smells like my Grandma Betty's. I am certain the bread and pie are not nearly as tasty as hers, but at least it smells good in here. Man, I sure do miss her even more this time of year.

Sister Wives

2010-11-04T07:04:00.000-07:00

Is anyone else extremely fascinated and at the same time greatly disturbed by the new TLC show, Sister Wives?
I got caught up watching it yesterday. It is one man, married to three women, engaged to one. (I think they might be married by now). Between all of them they have like 16 or so children. Small all the way to teenagers. When he decided he wanted to court his fourth wife, he sat the family down and asked their thoughts... One young boy shouted, "go get em tiger!" Disturbing. Then while the one wife was having a baby, he said, "it feels a little weird to kiss my girlfriend while my wife is in labor." Then, the women constantly say how more is merrier, but at the same time they talk a lot about jealousy issues. I could not live like this. I could not share. It is like the man gets tired with the last wife so finds a new one to "court" and then adds her to the mix. No thanks. And do they really have a right to be jealous? Seriously? I don't think they do.
I have come to the conclusion..... women might be able to share recipes but not MEN. :) at least that's what this woman says.

ART CLASS.... and more

2010-11-03T12:44:00.001-07:00

Wednesdays are the days my girls go to art class for an hour and a half! YES... it is awesome... I get to go have breakfast with a friend and they get to learn things that I am not smart enough to teach them. PERFECT.

The weather is getting colder. I love it but this means I make more fattening foods and feel like sipping on hot chocolate all day long. It is not as easy to be motivated to do much more than read a book or watch a movie when the weather is cold.

I listened to a podcast of Driscoll today on religion. It was so good. I am so thankful that I do not have a DO THIS or DON'T DO THIS list. I am thankful for freedom and grace in Him. I am guilty of having my own to do list and of convincing myself that if I do those things I am better or if I do not do those things I am worse. Thank goodness for grace and that He looks at my heart. There is nothing I can or cannot do to change His love for me. Thank you Jesus, for I am unworthy and hopeless without You.

My sweet superheros

2010-11-01T06:47:00.000-07:00

Trick or Treat was a blast this year. We started off the day by heading to church. The kids wore they costumes and then afterwards we had trunk or treat. They got TONS of candy. Then we met up with some friends to hit up some neighborhoods at night. We went through several houses for two straight hours. My kids have SO much candy. They got several huge king size candy bars and many other huge things... and they had a blast. Lot of fun memories were made. I love this time of year. We are making memories that will last my girls a lifetime and for that I am forever thankful.

What does a Christian need to know about Halloween? | The Mars Hill Blog

2010-10-31T13:10:00.000-07:00

What does a Christian need to know about Halloween? | The Mars Hill Blog

I am only posting this because facebook sparked the conversation. This blog is exactly how I feel. So well said.

Daylight Savings

2010-10-27T10:17:00.000-07:00

I am beginning to hate that the sun is coming up later and going down faster. I really love this weather and this is my absolute favorite time of year but this is my first fall as a runner. It makes it difficult for me to be able to get out in the sun to run.. or better yet, in the daylight. I just began this training program to get me running a 10K and I have been doing well with it and don't want to fall behind... so, I woke up and was out the door at six this morning. My lovely husband bought me some reflective gear but it isn't the cars that worry me... I am just a little skeptical of freaks. ( I admit this fear may be just out of the fact that I watch too many CSI's and too many scary movies to run without thinking some man is going to chase me with a cloth soaked in some substance that will knock me out enough so he can drag me into the woods)... yes, my mind goes there. Every leaf that ruffled across the road freaked me out... and for some reason I could see two, and sometimes three, of my own shadows. So, I was constantly feeling as though I was being chased... good thing it was only me doing the chasing. It was a great run. I am feeling so good and it is getting easier. I am running a better pace and running up to 4 miles seems to be a breeze. I am up against the challenge of the sun though and will be doing most of my running on Joel's days off which lately have been few and far between.
All I know for certain is that I am loving running... just not so much in the dark.

Tradition

2010-10-22T12:38:00.000-07:00

I am realizing how important it is for me to make traditions for our family and my kids are the ones who reminded me of how much I love certain traditions. My kids are loving it too. As we enter this time of year, I am realizing just how many traditions we already have as a family and my kids LOVE these traditions. We carved pumpkins last night while watching The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown.... they had a blast and said they wanted to do it again tonight. I had to say no to the carving but maybe we will watch Charlie Brown again. I am always up for some Charlie Brown. Now they are begging me to put up the Christmas trees. Yes, you read that right. They can't wait to put them up, decorate them, drink some hot chocolate and watch endless hours of Christmas movies. Some of our favorite- Home Alone and Christmas with the Kranks. I love that my kids have these things that they will carry with them for many years. I love that they have things like this to look forward to and I love that the memories of doing these things last year brings back happy and cozy memories for them. I want to continue to do these small things.. and do them every year. I hope we can add to these things and that they will take them and remember them for when they have their own families. This time of year brings me a lot of joy and a lot of smiles to me and it is such a joy to also see my kids loving this time of year and loving everything this time of year brings.

Thursdays

2010-10-21T09:20:00.000-07:00

I love Thursdays. I think it goes all the way back to my childhood. My dad always had Thursdays off so I think that is why I loved and still love this day. I remember him taking me to the "round store". It was a store by our house that was shaped like a carnival tent. We would go there and he would let me pick out some candy. I loved that store. It is pretty run down now but man did I love that place as a kid. For some reason, Thursdays just make me smile.

So, I am now officially training to run farther than a 5K. I added the 10K app to my phone and have done two of the workouts... wow. I have not been this sore in a LONG TIME. Feels good to be adding some distance to my running though. I truly never thought I would ever be able to run 4 plus miles. Makes me proud of myself.

I am thinking tonight is also a good night to carve some pumpkins. Joel never got to do it while he was growing up.... so now that I am in his life, we do it every year! ;) and we always roast the seeds.

Me, a bully?! wow.

2010-10-17T20:07:00.000-07:00

I have been called and accused of many things... but never of being a bully. Apparently there is a first time for everything. If I told you the story you just simply would not believe it. I will spare you the silly details.
I hate it when people make it their life cause to be controversial and to state their opinions... but the minute you state yours, they just can't handle it. Oh please oh please NEVER let me be that ignorant or annoying.

and this is all because of me saying my feelings about a show... yep, not anything big like abortion or anything like that. Just a simple tv show.

2010-10-13T18:07:00.000-07:00

I am learning that I do not handle my own mistakes or my own stupidity very well. I hate messing up and I hate it when I do stupid things that are a waste of energy. I am often harder on myself than I should be and instead of just realizing my mistakes and letting it go and becoming better, I often hang on to what or how I wish I would have handled things differently. I need to get over it. I am not perfect and never will be. I will make mistakes. I will do stupid things. I need to be okay when people may be disappointed in me because I cannot be perfect all the time. I never saw myself as a perfectionist but am starting to believe I am..... I hate to think of people upset with me and I hate to think that I may have just screwed up. Clearly it is unrealistic. I will never be perfect.... never.

On a side note, we watched Secretariat at the movies last night. Great family movie. Totally one of those feel good, great family movies. We loved it. Go see it! :)

Coffee with Eminem

2010-10-11T07:59:00.000-07:00

Last night Eminem was on 60 minutes. I have to say I totally enjoyed the interview and wish I could have coffee with this man. First off, I would like to give him a hug. He needs one I think. He grew up poor, with a single mom, in Detroit and moved schools two or three times a year. He was bullied, pushed into lockers, called names, etc. He now makes millions a year on his records and has millions of fans. I know that his music is crude and saying it has tons of profanity is probably an understatement. Regardless of that, he has talent and is able to rap faster than any other person out there. He said a few things that I thought were interesting- he said that he does not allow profanity in his house and also was asked about his father and if he wishes his dad would come track him down for them to meet each other. Eminem said that if he had a child out there, he would go wherever and search forever until he found that child. I admire that. He may be a bit wacked in some of his thinking but he hit the mark on some things, in my opinion. He sees a man that does not desire to know his child as week and I could not agree more. He has overcome prescription drug addiction and is trying to make his music a bit more positive. Imagine if this man met Jesus. Oh how I wish I could have coffee with him.

A trip to the Orchard......

2010-10-10T07:04:00.000-07:00

Have I mentioned that I love this time of year? If you know me even just a little bit, you know how I love fall. A trip to the pumpkin patch and apple orchard is by far my favorite trip to take with the girls. I hope they always love it as much as I do. We headed down to Evan's Orchard like we did last year but this year we got to take the school tour. We joined our good friends and we were able to see how they make cider and they talked about the importance of bees and the life cycle of an apple tree. Then we took a hayride touring the orchard.... then we ate lunch (shredded pork sandwich that had been cooked with some of their fresh apples) mmmmmm..... and then the kids got to play on their amazing playground. We also got to go to the petting zoo and see lots of goats and a zebra and some other fun things. Then the afternoon ended with a fried apple pie topped with ice cream... Again, mmmmmmm. We took home some apples, a pumpkin, a coloring book, and an apple shaped cup for the kids. Nothing like some fresh air and some good farm fun.

I love Evan's Orchard. They have pretty piles of pumpkins laying all around the property.

One of the many reasons why I love this time of year.

They spent most of the day playing on this cool tree trunk.

The girls on the hayride with their friend Spencer

Christians and facebook

2010-10-06T11:32:00.001-07:00

Dear "Christians" who are on facebook:

Sometimes you drive me nuts and honestly, I have hid many of you. Can you just for once write about doing laundry and getting groceries? Must it always be about God? I realize that this must sound terrible but I am trying to be plain honest here. I love Jesus. I love scripture but I also like real life. I understand pastors putting these things on their facebook more than just average posts, but sometimes I just think people can start to go overboard. I do not want to read about how you feel Jesus is your lover and you love when he picks you up and dances in the field with you. First off, that is creepy. He is not my lover and never will be. He is my savior.... and I would rather bow at His feet than have Him twirl me in flowers.. that just creeps me out. Some things are just meant to stay between you and Him.... please! I am also certain that even those posts that say- "even though most will not repost" this does not give me my ticket to hell. UGH. I love facebook but sometimes people drive me nuts. And again, this is why I blog.

2010-10-04T16:17:00.001-07:00

As I have already said in earlier posts, I have been following a blog of a dear family whose child was recently diagnosed with cancer. I wait anxiously each morning to wake up and read her latest post.... simply because this story touches my heart and I am always eager to hear how her son is doing. This is the first paragraph of her blog today-

When going through something like this I’ve learned that at times you will feel crazy. And at times, people will make you feel like you are going crazy… and tell you things like you need medication. But somehow… if you are strong enough, you pull it all together… get all the little voices out of your head, refocus, and find your way back. It can take something as simple as taking a drive, screaming your lungs out and just taking 30 minutes to be alone, to bring your strength and sanity back. Game on, cancer. You have pushed me down but I will not stop fighting back.

I love this. I love her real and very raw words. I have had some people tell me I needed medication or know of many who depend on it. I am not saying I am against it at all, I know it has its place, but this mom inspires me. She is real. She is strong. She is not afraid to let it out or get things off her chest. First off, those I know taking meds seriously have no problems in comparison to what this family is going through.... not even close. Thank you Maya for sharing your blog and being so real. I am seriously encouraged to live me life differently. Nevaeh was in art class the other day and there is one boy in there who complains all the time... Nevaeh spoke up to the class and said, "You are complaining about not wanting to draw what the teachers tells you, I know a little boy who has cancer and is fighting it every day.... you should not complain over something as small as a picture you are asked to draw"
I was proud of Nevaeh. She gets it.

I finally did it!

2010-09-29T17:13:00.000-07:00

Most of you know that I did a 5K in July. I had a blast but then went home for the month and then came back to hot and humid weather. I cannot run in that heat and I refuse to. So, needless to say, I basically had to start over with my running. It was like starting ALL over again... which was extremely annoying. BUT..... thanks to FALL, I am so super excited that I am back in the game again and loving it more then before and also I am pushing myself farther every time. I just got back from 4 miles! I am proud to say that.... and am so glad that the weather is cool and nice. I am not sure how things will play out when it is dark by 5 and freezing outside. I guess I will cross that bridge when I get to it!

2010-09-27T07:06:00.000-07:00

What a great weekend. We went to the horse races again. The real life jockey and the acting Jockey in the new Disney movie were at the track so the girls got to meet them and get their autographs. Nevaeh was on fire again with picking the winning horses but no actually bets were placed this time.... mainly because Joel didn't quite know how to work the betting machines :) haha...

It is ten in the morning. The girls are playing... the school books are ready to go on the kitchen table. I will give them a few more minutes and then we will dive in. We have a lot to cover today since the rest of the weekend is getting full with field trips, art classes, gymnastics and a play date with a dear friend tomorrow. The weather is fantastic today. 66 with a little rain which we desperately need.

He Leadeth Me by The Martins (acapella)

2010-09-24T07:38:00.000-07:00

Another old one but so beautiful.